How to Write a Eulogy: A Step by Step Guide With Examples

Writing a eulogy is one of the most personal and emotional tasks you may ever be asked to take on. You do not need to be a writer, a public speaker, or someone who has done this before. You just need to be willing to stand up and say something honest about the person you lost, and this guide will show you exactly how to do that.

How Long Should a Eulogy Be

A good eulogy is typically 3 to 7 minutes long, which works out to about 500 to 1,000 words. If you are speaking at a funeral with multiple eulogists, aim for the shorter end of that range. If you are the only person speaking, you have more room, but even then, 7 minutes is a comfortable upper limit.

The most common mistake people make is trying to cover too much. A focused 5 minute eulogy built around one or two good stories will be more memorable and more moving than a 15 minute speech that tries to summarize an entire life. Think of it this way: you are not writing a biography. You are giving the room a window into who this person was.

What to Include in a Eulogy

A eulogy should include a few core elements that help the audience feel connected to the person being honored. Start with who you are and how you knew the deceased. Include at least one specific story or memory that illustrates their character. Mention what they meant to you and to others. And close with a thought, a farewell, or a line that feels true to who they were.

You do not need to include every fact about the person's life. The obituary handles the biographical details. The eulogy is about personality, character, and the impression this person left on the people around them. Focus on what made them uniquely themselves: their humor, their generosity, their stubbornness, their laugh, whatever it was that you will miss the most.

Step by Step Structure

This four part structure works for almost any eulogy:

1. Opening: Introduce yourself and your relationship to the deceased. Set the tone. If they were a person who loved humor, it is okay to start with something light. If the mood calls for something more reflective, start there.
2. Life summary: Briefly touch on the key chapters of their life: where they grew up, their career, their family, and the things they cared about most. Keep this section short. You are providing context, not a biography.
3. Personal story: This is the heart of the eulogy. Share one or two specific stories that show who this person really was. Choose moments that are vivid, specific, and true. The best eulogy stories are the ones that make people in the room nod because they recognize the person in the details.
4. Closing: End with what this person meant to you and what you hope others will remember about them. A final sentence that captures their spirit is a powerful way to finish. You can also close with a quote, a song lyric, or something the deceased used to say.

Example Eulogy Opening Lines

Here are three examples of strong opening lines to give you a starting point:

"My father was not a man who gave speeches, so I think he would find it fitting that I am up here struggling to give one for him."

"I met Linda on the first day of nursing school in 1987. She was the only person in the room who looked as terrified as I felt, and we have been inseparable ever since. Until now."

"If my brother were here right now, he would tell me I am overthinking this. He would say just tell them a good story and sit down. So that is what I am going to try to do."

Notice that each of these openings is personal, specific, and gives the audience an immediate sense of both the speaker and the person being honored. None of them start with a dictionary definition or a generic statement about loss.

Tips for Delivering the Eulogy

Print your eulogy in a large font, at least 14 or 16 point, so you can read it easily even if your hands are shaking or your eyes are blurry from tears. Do not rely on your phone. A printed page is easier to hold, does not go dark, and does not require scrolling.

Practice reading the eulogy out loud at least two or three times before the service. This helps you identify the spots where you are most likely to get emotional, so they will not catch you off guard. It also gives you a feel for the pacing and lets you adjust anything that does not sound natural when spoken aloud.

Speak slowly. Nerves and adrenaline will naturally speed you up, so consciously slow down. Make eye contact with the audience when you can, but do not force it. It is perfectly fine to read directly from the page for the entire eulogy. The audience cares about what you are saying, not whether you have it memorized.

What to Do If You Start to Cry

You probably will cry, and that is completely okay. When it happens, pause. Take a slow breath. Take a sip of water if there is a glass nearby. The room will wait for you. No one is judging you or timing you. Crying during a eulogy is one of the most human things you can do, and it shows the audience how much this person meant to you.

If you are worried about being unable to continue, ask a trusted friend or family member to stand near the podium as a backup reader. Give them a printed copy of the eulogy in advance. If you reach a point where you cannot go on, hand them the page and they can finish for you. Knowing you have a safety net makes it much easier to get through it.