Pallbearer Guide: What to Wear, What to Do, and What to Expect

Being asked to serve as a pallbearer is one of the highest honors a family can offer. It means you were important enough in the life of the deceased to carry them on their final journey. If you have never done it before, it is natural to feel uncertain about what is expected.

What Is a Pallbearer

A pallbearer is a person chosen by the family to carry or escort the casket during a funeral. The word comes from "pall," the cloth that covers a casket, and "bearer," meaning one who carries. Traditionally, pallbearers are close friends, family members, or colleagues of the deceased.

The role is both physical and symbolic. You are literally bearing the weight of someone's loved one, and the act itself carries deep meaning for the family. Most families choose people who had a significant relationship with the person who died.

What Pallbearers Do

The funeral director will walk you through everything before the service begins. Here is what the process typically looks like, step by step:

• Arrive early: Plan to arrive at the funeral home or venue at least 30 minutes before the service. The funeral director needs time to position everyone and explain the logistics.
• Receive instructions: The funeral director will show you where to stand, which side of the casket to take, and how to lift and carry. Listen carefully and ask questions if anything is unclear.
• Carry the casket in: You will carry or roll the casket from the hearse into the service venue. Walk slowly and steadily, matching the pace of the person at the front.
• Sit in a designated area: During the service, pallbearers usually sit in a reserved section near the front.
• Carry the casket out: After the service, you will carry the casket back to the hearse. This is often the most emotional moment.
• At the cemetery: You will carry the casket from the hearse to the graveside and place it on the lowering device. The funeral director will guide every step.

What to Wear as a Pallbearer

Dark, conservative clothing is the standard. For men, a dark suit (black, charcoal, or navy) with a white or light-colored shirt and a solid, muted tie. For women, a dark dress, pantsuit, or skirt and blouse combination. Avoid bright colors, loud patterns, and anything overly casual.

Footwear matters more than you might think. You will be carrying significant weight, potentially on uneven ground, grass, or gravel. Wear sturdy, flat or low-heeled shoes with good traction. This is not the day for dress shoes with slick soles or high heels.

If the family has requested specific attire, such as a particular color or a more casual dress code, follow their wishes. Some families ask pallbearers to wear something that reflects the personality of the deceased, and that request should always be honored.

How to Prepare

Mentally, understand that this is an emotional role. You may feel a surge of grief when you first lift the casket. That is normal. Focus on the task, take slow breaths, and lean on the other pallbearers for support, both physically and emotionally.

Physically, a casket with the deceased can weigh between 300 and 600 pounds, distributed among six to eight people. That means each person carries roughly 50 to 100 pounds. If you have a back injury or physical limitation, let the family know as early as possible so they can adjust. There is no shame in stepping into an honorary role instead.

Keep your phone on silent. Do not chew gum. Avoid wearing sunglasses during the service if possible. Small details matter on a day like this.

Honorary Pallbearers vs. Active Pallbearers

Active pallbearers carry the casket. This is the physical role, and it requires the ability to lift and walk steadily with a heavy load. Most funerals have six active pallbearers, though eight is common for larger caskets.

Honorary pallbearers do not carry the casket but are recognized for their close relationship with the deceased. They may walk beside the casket, sit in a special section, or simply be named in the funeral program. This role is often offered to elderly relatives, close friends who cannot carry weight, or young family members.

Both roles are meaningful. Being named as an honorary pallbearer is not a lesser honor. It is the family's way of saying you mattered deeply to the person who died.