Funeral Pre-Planning Checklist: What to Decide Before It Is Needed

Pre-planning your funeral is one of the most considerate things you can do for your family. When the time comes, they will not have to make dozens of difficult decisions while grieving. Instead, they can focus on supporting each other and honoring you in the way you chose. This checklist walks you through every major decision so nothing gets overlooked.

Why Pre-Planning Matters

When someone dies without leaving instructions, the family is forced to make major decisions under intense emotional pressure, often within 24 to 48 hours. They have to choose between burial and cremation, select a casket or urn, pick a funeral home, plan a service, and manage the cost, all while processing their grief. These decisions frequently lead to disagreements among family members, added stress, and overspending.

Pre-planning eliminates that burden. By making your own choices and putting them in writing, you give your family a clear roadmap. You also protect them from the pressure of upselling at the funeral home, because the decisions have already been made. Studies consistently show that families who have a pre-plan in place report significantly less stress and fewer regrets after the funeral.

Step 1: Choose Burial or Cremation

This is the most fundamental decision because it shapes everything that follows. If you choose burial, you will need a casket, a cemetery plot, and possibly a vault or grave liner. If you choose cremation, you will need to decide what happens to the ashes: will they be scattered, kept in an urn, placed in a columbarium niche, or divided among family members?

There are also options between the two extremes. Green burial uses biodegradable materials and skips embalming. Alkaline hydrolysis, sometimes called water cremation, is an alternative to flame cremation that is available in a growing number of states. Take time to research the options and decide what aligns with your values, your faith, and your budget.

Write down your choice clearly and explain the reasoning if you think it might surprise your family. Knowing the "why" behind the decision makes it easier for loved ones to carry it out with confidence.

Step 2: Select a Funeral Home

Not all funeral homes offer the same services or charge the same prices. Research funeral homes in your area and compare their General Price Lists, which they are required by law to provide. Look at the range of services offered, the facility itself, online reviews, and how comfortable you feel with the staff.

If you find a funeral home you trust, you can establish a relationship with them and even prepay for services. Prepaying locks in current prices and removes the financial burden from your family. However, make sure you understand the terms of any prepayment agreement, including what happens if the funeral home closes or if you move to a different area. Document the funeral home's name, address, and contact information in your pre-planning documents.

Step 3: Plan the Service

Decide what kind of service you want. A traditional funeral includes a viewing or visitation followed by a formal service and burial or cremation. A memorial service is held without the body present, often after cremation has already taken place. A celebration of life is a less formal gathering that focuses on honoring the person's life rather than mourning their death.

Think about the details that matter to you. Do you want a religious service or a secular one? Is there a specific officiant, clergy member, or celebrant you would like to lead the service? Are there particular hymns, songs, or readings you want included? Would you like a eulogy, and if so, who should deliver it?

Also consider practical details like whether you want an open or closed casket, whether flowers should be present or if you prefer donations to a specific charity, and whether you want a reception or repast after the service. The more specific you are, the easier it will be for your family to carry out your wishes.

Step 4: Choose a Cemetery or Final Resting Place

If you have chosen burial, you will need to select a cemetery and purchase a plot. Visit cemeteries in your area and consider factors like location, maintenance, cost, and whether the cemetery has any restrictions on headstones or markers. Some families choose a cemetery where other relatives are already buried to keep the family together.

If you have chosen cremation, decide where the ashes will go. Options include a columbarium niche at a cemetery, burial in a small urn plot, scattering at a meaningful location, keeping the ashes at home in an urn, or dividing them among family members. You can also choose cremation jewelry or a memorial tree planting. Document your choice and include any specific instructions about the location or ceremony you envision.

Step 5: Document and Share Your Wishes

Once you have made your decisions, write everything down in a single, organized document. Include your choice of burial or cremation, the funeral home, the type of service, the cemetery or final resting place, and any personal details about the service. Also include a list of people you would like to be notified, your preferences for pallbearers if applicable, and any other instructions.

Share this document with the people who will be responsible for carrying out your wishes. This typically includes your spouse or partner, your adult children, and your designated power of attorney. Give each of them a printed copy and tell them where the original is stored. Do not keep your funeral plan only in a safe deposit box that your family cannot access quickly.

How to Store Your Pre-Planning Documents

Store your funeral pre-planning documents alongside your other important papers: your will, power of attorney, health care directive, and financial account information. A fireproof home safe or a clearly labeled folder in a filing cabinet are both good options. The key is that your family can find the documents quickly when they need them.

Tell at least two trusted people where the documents are kept. If you have an attorney, file a copy with them as well. Some funeral homes will also keep a copy of your pre-plan on file if you have established a relationship with them.

Review and update your plan every few years or after any major life change, such as a move, a divorce, or the death of someone named in the plan. Pre-planning is not a one time event. It is a living document that should reflect your current wishes and circumstances.